The Hashemite Kingdom of Jordan - Hello.

Jordan, one of the last remaining true monarchies in the world, is home to one of the ancient wonders of the world (Petra), as well as a vast expanse of desert that is one of the most beautiful places to visit (Wadi Rum).  So it’s no wonder that Israelis flock to the Hashemite Kingdom.  I’m sure it has absolutely nothing to do with the Jordanian Queen.

Queen Rania - No headdress on this one.

As I did with Greece, what follows is a textbook GUIDE TO JORDAN in case you’re ever in the Middle East and want to stop by.  While reading this, put your finger up to your lower eyelid and pull down.  It means you’re serious.

Preparation

Never take a weekend trip to a foreign country lightly!

-Stay up all night.  Pack 15 minutes before you catch the 6 am cab.

Transportation

It’s important not to be stranded in the middle of the desert.  Unless you’re a Bedouin.  Then that’s basically your life.

-Take the 444 from Jerusalem to Eilat.  Takes about 4 hours 44 minutes.  Israeli bus drivers really like to smoke, so don’t be surprised to have a rest stop every hour and a half so they can satisfy their nicotine addiction (this part actually is serious). 

-Walk from the bus station to your hotel, and never question how far away it is or why you’re walking instead of taking a cab.  Remember, lugging around stuff builds character.

-Cram into the back of a beaten-up Jeep for a very bumpy 6-hour desert trek in Wadi Rum, eating along the way.  Practice your hand-eye coordination dipping pita bread into hummus while you are flying up into the air and nearly falling out of the vehicle.  If necessary, use other people as cushions to soften the blow.

Sorry Kayla - this is what happens when you don't upload your pictures fast enough.  I have to use an awkward one.  Look what you made me do.

-Riding a camel would be nice, but they chew weird and smell bad, not to mention how uncomfortable their humps look, so don’t feel bad if you miss out on it.  It’s not a big deal.  But if you REALLY want to ride one, it’s proper etiquette to sell off one of the girls in your group for a  camel, so someone will have to take one for the team.

It's not dead, it's just lazy.

-Get a taste of Jordanian society when you take cabs and listen to the music the cabbies like.  Backstreet Boys, 98 Degrees, Celine Dion?  See, the country’s not THAT backwards – only a matter of a decade or two.

Food

Just throwing it out there, Jordan has REALLY GOOD DORITOS.  The best I ever had.  Best I ever had.  Best I ever had, best I ever had, I say you the fucking best…

I'm Drake and I love Sweet Chili Pepper Doritos.

-Order a very classy steak and red wine dinner in Eilat next to the sea.  Then, buy a large quantity of very shitty vodka.  Give it a creative name (Mr. Perfect) and then spend the rest of the night trying to kill it.  When you finally do, throw Mr. Perfect up in the air and run.  Don’t forget to giggle.

-Represent your American heritage by carrying off more food than you could possibly consume after the Bedouins generously offer to buy you whatever you want from a local convenience store. 

-Eat the underrated “kak” cookies.

-See Jordanian business in action when you go to a buffet at your loyal cabbies’ request.  The concept of being able to pay less for less food is as foreign a concept as equal women’s rights.  But surprisingly, there is no problem eating off your friends’ plates.  It’s ok, it’s not like they deal with tourists often.

Activities

There’s a surprising number of things you can do in the middle of a gigantic desert.

-Pay a 10 sheckel “ego tax” when a weak old man gives you 10:1 odds that you can’t lift a bottle up to a standstill on a ramp using a loop on the end of a fishing rod, after doing it himself multiple times.  Yes, this is an important skill to master.  After you fail, make eye contact with the shrewd old man and point to him before telling him, “I will defeat you one day.”  Walk away before he fully comprehends what you are saying – Israelis don’t take that sort of stuff lightly.

-Snorkel in the Red Sea.  The rope and wooden stakes aren’t borders, they are obstacles.  Only the skilled snorkelers will be able to navigate through them to get to the reefs.  Once there, try catching a fish with your bare hands.  Marvel at how poorly adapted humans are for the water.

-Challenge your manliness by swimming out to a distant floating platform.  When you finally pull yourself up, exhausted, try not to realize that the platform is only a short distance away from the shore, and that you could have simply walked along the beach instead of swimming to it.

-Climb up rock cliffs in Wadi Rum, but don’t do anything too stupid because, as a Jordanian travel guide says, “Don’t lose your life.  You need it.”

-Race up a large sand dune, only to collapse after half a dozen steps.  When you finally make it to the top, sprint down and do flips.  I am invincible.  You won’t break anything, but you might get a grain of sand in your eye.  In a desert of trillions of grains of sand, each one is potentially a huge pain in the ass.  Be forewarned.

-Visit the ancient city of Petra.  Petra is an old city carved into rock in between two gigantic rock faces.  There are very few port-a-potties.  If you have to pee, the most convenient place is likely in one of the old homes… or the Royal Tomb.  Or the side of the Treasury.  Or at the Great Temple.  I’ll stop now.  If anything strange happens to me in the next few weeks, then someone needs to start researching the Pagan religion of Petra because they’ve got it right.

Definitely didn't pee there

...Or there...

...Or there.

People

Jordanians are very helpful people.  Sometimes a bit too helpful.

-If a Polish man approaches you immediately after you cross the Jordanian border, don’t give him the phone number of the woman who you are planning on meeting in order to have your Bedouin experience.  He is not an authority figure!  He’s just leading a tour group and trying to steal your trip because he didn’t plan anything himself.  Don’t listen to him – there is no Mohammed coming to meet you!  Mohammed is a lie!!!

-When you meet the real Mohammed, wonder how he is as thin as a stick when he lives on Bedouin food.  Maybe it’s the tea.

Mohammed and the cabbie - a force to be reckoned with.

-Meet two former Peace Corps workers when you are talking about the Peace Corps in a hostel in Eilat.  Try to dismiss it as a coincidence.

-While standing on a sand dune in the middle of the enormous Wadi Rum desert, with sand as far as the eye can see, it’s perfectly normal for a guy from Deerfield to drive up in a Jeep and walk up the same dune as you.  Yeah, you two have about 30 mutual friends.  It’s a small world.  No big deal.

Moments before the meeting

-Trust a nice old Jordanian woman at the top of a lookout point in Petra.  She will kindly point out the surrounding landscape before grabbing your friend, shoving him down to the ground, and pretend to slice his neck with her comb imitating the ancient animal sacrifices that took place at that spot.  She will then hand you a rock.  It’s courtesy to tip.

This woman is wanted by the CIA and Mossad.

-Jordanian children will play with you and follow you around.  This is cute and amusing at first but, like with any children, they become a burden.  The only way to physically separate them from your hand is to give them a water bottle.  Die of dehydration or put up with an annoying child.  The choice is obvious.

A pivotal decision.

-General rule of thumb: Any Jordanian with a camel in Petra wants to sell you a ride.

One-word summary of the trip

Smooth.

***

Egypt will be the last great civilization to be explored by Holy Land Dan.  Sometime in May.  This weekend I’m going on a tour to Hebron in the West Bank, relaxing on the beach in Tel Aviv, and getting some more frozen yogurt.  Life’s good; hard to believe there’s only 6 weeks left!

Daniel   

Holidays, Masada, the Dead Sea, and a nap in Ein Ghedi

At 5:51 pm on Sunday, Dr. Medzini was telling my Foreign Policy class about a special ceremony at Yad Vashem to commemorate the Holocaust.  I had woken up at 5:50 pm.  I went to my internship class at 6:30, stuck around just long enough to get attendance, then left with this kid Jake to catch a bus to Yad Vashem.

We got there around 7:30 and quickly realized this was no ordinary Israeli event.  Security was the toughest I’ve seen, and I’ve been to speeches by Netanyahu and Biden.  There were about 25 soldiers milling around just the preliminary gate.  Initial attempts to coax the soldiers into letting us in without tickets were met with a flat “No.”  However, we noticed a dozen or so other people in the same predicament as us, and one lady told us that they always let people in at the last minute.  We decided to stick around for lack of anything better to do, but our hopes weren’t high – especially when the head soldier told us all to go home because “Lo cartisim – lo tov!” (no tickets – no good!).

Just after 8, when we were about to declare it a huge fail, other Rothberg students showed up from Dr. Silberklang’s class.  Dr. Silberklang is the director of Yad Vashem.  They mentioned his name, and the previously stoic guard transformed into a figure of hospitality.  We casually sauntered in behind them (not the first time I’ve done that in the past few days), and got into the ceremony.

Netanyahu, as he is prone to do, gave an amazing speech.  The full text of it can be found here http://www.jerusalemdispatch.com/2010/04/netanyahus-holocaust-day-speech-at-yad-vashem/.  Following his speech, six survivors – each with very different stories – shared their experience and lit one of the six candles to symbolize the six million Jews who were killed.  One of their stories stuck with me in particular – a boy walked among the dead at a concentration camp and was shocked to see one of the bodies was that of his father, with a bullet through his forehead.  His father was clutching a note in his right hand, a note that read: “Whoever reads this, if you find my son… tell him to take revenge.”  The survivor, who now has three kids and seven grandkids, has spent his life traveling and sharing his story with everyone who will listen, and here it is being told to you.  He said that was the best way to take revenge that he knew, to keep the story alive.

The coolest part of the ceremony was the singing of the Hatikvah.  It’s been posted on my facebook.

Overall, it was a very moving experience and I’m glad I missed class for it.  Since I left for my 4 pm class when it was still warm out, I didn’t have a coat, so I was one of the people freezing that Netanyahu talked to in his speech.  “You may be cold now, but in the winter of 1945, it was 35 degrees below zero… and people froze to death!”  Thanks Netanyahu, that really makes me feel warmer.  Actually, now I feel guilty AND cold.  I bet he’s the worst grandparent ever.

This weekend, we went to Masada and the Dead Sea.  The weather was perfect for the Dead Sea, every other time I’ve been there it’s been cold.  We were able to relax and nap in the sea (we napped very creatively this weekend) with the sun beating down on us.  Great time.  Until we woke up and realized we had drifted about 50 feet away from shore, and that the current was making it hard to swim back.  This was far from an emergency – there is no lazier place than the Dead Sea – but it did end up taking about 15 minutes to swim back to shore.  Once back we came up with this game that involved pulling yourself along the rocks like you’re Spiderman.  Little children were walking all around us (this was a theme too) as we aggressively raced in 6 inch water.  It was real mature.

After the Dead Sea, we went to the side of the highway and attempted to hitchhike.  It was Shabbat so no buses were running.  There were three guys and five girls, so we just sat back on a bench as the girls tried to get people to pull over, and then we walked up to the car and got in.  We split up into three cars, one guy in each in case there’s a serial killer, and eventually were able to make it to the base of Masada.  The girls had interesting conversations with the guards working there and we were able to get a free dinner as well as permission to camp out directly underneath Masada, an area typically off limits.  Amazing what a few batted eyelashes can do.  Anyway, the night was great but sleeping simply did not occur.  We really underestimated how hard rocks can be.

We woke up at 4:45 am and started climbing Masada to see sunrise.  Unfortunately, by the time we got up to the top, we realized it was a foggy day and there actually was no clear sunrise.  Oops.  At this point we were exhausted and starving and barely made it down the mountain before collapsing into seats at the hotel’s cafeteria for breakfast (we had to pay for that… different guards).  After eating, our heads started falling to the table one by one as we began taking naps in the middle of the cafeteria.  Somehow, we roused ourselves to leave before all of us were asleep, but it was not a fun walk back to the highway. 

We waited another hour for some kind person to pick us up (side note: next time I see a hitchhiker, I am giving them a ride, I don’t care if they have bloodstains on their shirt and are wielding an ax) and eventually settled on a sherut.  We got to Ein Ghedi and I snuck in with an Asian tour group with the help of my sunglasses, and then we all found a nice rock alcove beside a waterfall crowded with families and naked Israeli children.  We fell asleep amidst all the noise, even though kids would occasionally stoop down to us and scream in our faces for no apparent reason.  For the most part, our bodies were ignored and stepped over.  I got about four hours of sleep there, and by then it was sundown so we were able to make it back to the bus stop and catch a bus back to Jerusalem.

It was a great trip, not because we saw sunrise at Masada, or fully enjoyed Ein Ghedi, or slept on hard rocks, or hitchhiked with random people – but because we had some awesome conversations and frankly, it wouldn’t have mattered where we were.  Being in the Dead Sea or Masada was just a plus.

I’m glad I finally got around to doing this.  Since there were 8 of us, we were asked at the top of Masada if we were a Birthright group.  I was insulted.  We are OSP (one semester program) study abroad students at THE Hebrew University, not some 2-week Birthright schmucks!  It was a funny feeling doing that stuff on our own leisure though, because I’ve only ever done them on organized trips.

Two nights ago (Monday night), there were crazy parties everywhere for independence day.  Israeli Independence Day is a bit different than the 4th of July.  For one, there's a siren at 11 am, and you can walk to the highway and see cars pull over and their drivers get out and stand in respect of the siren.  It's interesting because not all the cars stop; it's mainly divided by Arabs and Israelis.  Another reason that Israeli Independence Day is different than the 4th of July is that there are crazy parties EVERYWHERE.  The shuk had stages set up, bands, DJ's, drum circles - all alongside carts of fruit!  We went there and then stopped by the Jerusalem Botanic Gardens for an insane party that was co-sponsored by Hebrew U.  Everyone was going crazy and so happy on a level completely different than a usual night going out - there were Israeli flags everywhere, and it was a very prideful night.  Definitely one of my favorite nights here.

Tomorrow morning I'm leaving for Eilat at 6:30 am.  We will be staying at a hostel in Eilat Thursday night, then meeting a Beduoin and traveling to Wadi Ram in Jordan, staying in a Beduoin tent Friday night.  Saturday we are going to Petra!  After this weekend, the only trip left that I have any energy/desire to do is EGYPT, the travel warning has been rescinded so hopefully sometime in May.  

P.S. We recently discovered a bird’s nest, with two baby birds, on the ledge outside our bathroom window.  I could reach down and grab them, but I won’t, because I’m not hungry.  Right now they are huddling under Mommy bird for warmth.  This will be a running update in the blog, I’m gonna call it Birdwatch.

An Epic Guide to Greece

Greece is a beautiful, amazing place, so it’s no surprise thousands of people travel there every year.  I’ve decided to mix things up a bit with this blog and what follows is a cohesive GUIDE TO GREECE in case you ever decide to make the trip.  I had what can only be called the best vacation ever so I highly recommend following this word-for-word to ensure the best possible experience.

Preparation

Preparing for your trip is one of the most important things you can do.  Do not take it lightly.

-Ask other people going to Greece to send you a copy of their itinerary.  This will save you tedious hours of planning and provide an excellent sacrifice to rip up and throw out when you land in Greece.

-Spend an all-nighter packing your possessions into a single duffel bag before your early morning flight.    This will help set the spontaneous mood for the trip, and you should never be rested.  After all, you’re going on vacation.  Bring a sleeping bag, this comes into play later.

Backpacking

There is no better way to assert your independence than to backpack through a foreign country.

-With your single duffel bag, proceed to go straight from the Athens airport to the Parthenon.  Hiking up mountains with a duffel strapped on your back is the surest way to build character and fully appreciate the view once you get up there. 

-Realize that lugging around all your stuff all day is exhausting and overrated.

Housing

Greece has hostels, but if you’re crafty, you don’t need them.

-Never pay for housing.  Find a friend’s grandma’s cousin who is a former travel agent to host you at her house for a few nights, and to plan the rest of your trip for you.  As an added bonus, get her hotel owner husband to book you two nights in five star hotels… for free.

-If the above proves impossible, save precious Euros by sleeping in your sleeping bag outside on a roof.  Tree cover is especially important so that you can sleep in.  Don’t worry about the cracking noises; the roof won’t cave in.  Just don’t stand up and keep your weight dispersed evenly.

-Take unbelievable views from your room for granted.

Transportation

Driving in Greece is best explained by a Mazda commercial.  Zigzagging roads cutting through mountains, the surreal landscape makes for one of the coolest driving experiences you can ask for.

-Get friend’s grandma’s cousin to work her magic and get you a rent-a-car, even though you have no valid Greek driver’s license.  Make sure the car is stick.  Drive in the most reckless possible way, by passing up slow cars on a two-lane road by driving into incoming traffic.  Don’t worry, it’s how everyone drives in Greece.

-When you get to the postcard town of Meteora, test the limits of your rental vehicle by driving on dirt roads up the side of mountains.  Ignore the steep cliffs at the side of the road. When in doubt, repeat to yourself: “I am invincible.”  Once you get to the top, head over to the monasteries and enjoy a Batman Begins type moment as you cross a shaky bridge and knock at an old steel door that marks the entrance to the monasteries.  “We’ve been waiting for you,” a cloaked figure might say as he peeks through the door welcoming you in.  Optional: spend the rest of your life at said monastery, learning martial arts and training yourself in the art of meditation.

-Don’t pay for public buses, because nobody ever checks your ticket.  The sign threatening a fine of 60x the price of the ticket if you are caught without one is a complete bluff.  Again, when in doubt, repeat the mantra: “I am invincible.”

-Drink on the ferries (see Drink)

-Don’t be discouraged when you see a moped crash into a car and the driver go skidding across the road.  Laugh profusely, pause for a moment to reflect on how desensitized to violence you are, and rent anyway.  Ride without a shirt to maximize showing off how cool you are.  But always wear a helmet (you may be invincible, but driving in between trucks and nearly crashing into dumpsters is enough to scare anyone).  Also, take at least one bad-ass picture with your bike.

-Get pickpocketed on the Metro.  Some people just aren’t meant to carry cameras (sorry Mom and Dad!)

-Optional: Experience a real Greek road rage moment when you unknowingly cut off a red car on the highway.  Allow said car to pass you, with a woman screaming out the window at you.  When you laugh at the situation, make sure not to panic when she throws a water bottle at you and hits the front windshield.  I am invincible.  When the couple repeatedly cuts you off, almost runs you off the road, and gets out of the car at the toll booth and charges towards you armed with a car jack, calmly explain that you didn’t mean to cut them off.  If rational explanation doesn’t diffuse the situation, simply state that you are American and watch as a look of disdain dawns over their faces and they eventually walk away.  Later, marvel at the red paint on the door handle on the driver’s side of the rental car.  Yes, they did get that close.

-Optional: Almost get attacked by a pack of wild dogs when you venture into their territory trying to pee while waiting for a bus.  Don’t back down when they charge at you.  I am invincible.

-Optional: Save a turtle’s life by moving it out of the middle of an abandoned old dirt road that you have no business driving down.  Surely it would have been run over by another car if you didn’t save it.  Celebrate your good karma by backing away from the turtle like a little girl.

Rest Stops

While driving, you will probably get tired of the constant cutting off and near death experiences.  Luckily, Greece has a plethora of interesting rest stops.

-Stop at Thermopylae, home of the famous battle between King Leonidas and 300 Spartans against over 1.7 million Persians.  Realize that you are a coward.

-Follow your nose at the putrid smell of sulfur to a natural hot spring, tucked away a few miles off the highway.  Get in and relax, as you let the hot waterfall pound your back and your head.  Think about what you’d be doing at home and laugh to yourself.

-Notice the abundance of Greek service workers, standing idly by the side of the road with a rake in one hand and a half-hearted attempt at a mound of leaves at their feet.  Greece has 7 public workers for every private worker.  The horribly inefficient government fails to capitalize on the natural beauty and hot springs of the country, instead hiring way too many workers.  Strikes are a natural outcome.

Food

You don’t know Feta cheese until you’ve had it in a Greek salad… in Greece.

-When friend’s grandma’s cousin/travel agent/Wonderwoman isn’t cooking you breakfast, lunch, or dinner, go grocery shopping to save money.  Make sure to buy “Earth Gut” bread, thinking it’s wheat, and be pleasantly surprised when Earth Gut turns out to be pretty much densely packed dirt.

-Steal from the complimentary breakfast at the 5 star hotels by shoving everything into every pocket you have.  Make sure to get caught by the manager at least once, preferably when turning the cereal dispenser at a frantic pace piling Wheaties into a plastic bag.  If questioned, maintain that it is for your friend who is sleeping in.  Feign innocence when it is stated that taking food from the complimentary breakfast is forbidden.

-Go to Passover services at the Athens Chabad.  Spend half an hour trying to find it, only to get there on time because dinner starts thirty minutes late.  Eat lots of matzah; it’s the only time you’ll be able to find it.

Drink

This one’s to you, Dionysus.

-Ouzo.  10 Euro, gigantic, tastes horrible.  Mix with “Freeway’s Orange”.  Don’t forget to gag when the taste is coupled with a nauseating ferry ride.

-Make sure to try “Mythos”, the Greek beer of choice.  Best when served on the rocks.

-Laugh at the locals when they warn you not to drink the tap water.  Drink it anyway.  I am invincible.

Sights

Greece is littered with thousand-year-old ruins.  If you don’t get enough of them in Chicago, try to make time for them on your vacation.

-I don't know what this is but it seemed important.

-Make a non-typical pose in front of the Erechtheum and realize afterwards that you just looks stupid.

-Visit the first theater in the world and put yourself in the mind of the first actors.

-Walk into archaeological sites in Athens without purchasing tickets.  If questioned, feign ignorance of the English language and use whatever other languages you have at your disposal.  “Slicha?  Anee B’Yisrael.  Anee lo mevene Anglit.” “¿Que?  Yo no comprendo.  Lo siento.” “Te-sugar-dream” (thank you in Turkish).  “Ef-kar-eesh-tov” (thank you in Greek). 

-Go to the Oracle of Delphi and the archaeological museum there.  Debate stealing a rock.  Settle for doing the Heisman stance

*People went to the Oracle of Delphi for 2000 years asking for sage advice.  Delphi was believed to be the center of the world, the point where the two eagles Zeus sent in opposite directions across the world met.  The Oracle, originally a young woman who inhaled hallucinogenic fumes from the mountains, would often run off with young men, leaving the oracle seat vacant.  Therefore, the oracle became customarily a woman over 50.  When Alexander the Great traveled to the Oracle of Delphi and asked if he would conquer the world, the oracle gave him a typically vague answer.  Unsatisfied, he grabbed her by the hair and pulled her, until she cried, “Ok ok, you are unbeatable!”  He then threw her to the ground, saying, “I have my answer.”

-Travel to Olympia to see the site of the first Olympic Games.  When the man behind the ticket counter explains that the visiting hours for the site ended over 2 hours ago, walk past him and climb the fence, enjoying the site on your own terms.  Sneak into roped-off areas into the ancient locker rooms and training arenas, getting serious goosebumps, and pose at the spot where the Olympic Flame was originally lighted.  Have a footrace on the old Olympic track.

Ancient locker roomStealth.

-Go to the quaint, tiny island of Egina for Easter.  Attend Mass after drinking heavily, entertaining yourself by burning your friends with candles, and try not to let people know you're Jewish because this is when you killed Jesus.

-Avoid the overhyped, touristy island of Mykonos.  It’s a trap!  Nobody in Greece goes there because it’s ridiculously expensive, and the clubs don’t even open until the summer crowd. 

Miscellaneous activities

-Play football outside next to WWII fighter jets

-Run up the tallest mountain in Athens and have the best meal of your life at the top, with the Parthenon and modern Olympic stadium juxtaposed in the background

-Take pictures in museums posing as the statues, and only pretend to delete them when security guards demand that you show some respect.

-Pass time during Metro rides arguing who would win in a fight, a silverback gorilla or a mountain lion

One-Word Summary of the trip

Baller.

There's a bunch of funny videos that still need to be uploaded, and another huge batch of pictures, so I'll add them to this when they're up.  

***

I have one more trip (hopefully) lined up: a weekend trip to Petra, Cairo, and scuba diving in Eilat.   Two world wonders in four days.  Let’s go.

Daniel